Blast Off and a Halloween Care Package!

Today I spent the day with Kristen and the kids. We went to Blast off for Jenna's birthday! It was super fun the kids played well together and we even had pizza and got to play the arcade and earn tickets for prizes!That little stink is six years old now I can't believe how fast the time flies by. I remember her first steps, it was at my apartment when we were celebrating my birthday! What a great gift to give her Aunt! Now she is in kindergarden and growing like a weed both physically and mentally. Happy Birthday my little niece Love you!

Kristen and I worked on care packages for the guys! Halloween style of course! Colin is in for a scary surprise GLITTER!!! Haha he is so terrified of glitter it cracks me up! So of course I put in a little glitter to keep with the fear factor! A pretend bloddy foot and some toys and treats this box should keep him busy for a few days at least! I enjoy making these packages for him because I can give him a little piece of home and he cherishes that. I'm looking forward to the Christmas package I have a few ideas in mind for him :)

The first month of him being gone flew by, with all of the sickness, money theft, birthday parties and the holiday I barely noticed that the month is almost over. I pray that with Thanksgiving and Christmas fast approching it will keep me busy and focused. I fear what the new year will bring it always seems to slow down right after Christmas more chick dates and crafts should do the trick! I am thankful to the people in my life you are a constant and keep me going. Love you all dearly!

xoxo, Rachel

The Vampire Diaries!

I feel just like a teenage girl over this show! I like it even more than Twilight! And that's tough to beat because I have been a devoted fan since the beginning. The main reason I enjoy this show is because the vampires are real, they die if staked, burn in the sunlight, and turn ugly when they are in feed mode. They have special abilities and major sexual allure! This is the second season and they have introduced werewolves which are also accurately depicted. The show comes on every Thursday which means I get to watch it on Fridays online! This is something that I look forward to each week. It helps the time fly by! So if you like anything to do with vamps, sexy guys, and a twisted story line this show will knock your socks off!!

Deployment Day photos!

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Colton's 1st Birthday!

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The Flu and Identity Theft!!!!

Ok so this post is long over due but when you read this you will understand why... 

Two Wednesdays ago my poor poor little man got the flu... He went to bed kind of fussy and I thought it was his teeth as they are finally starting to come through. At about one in the AM I was awakened by this strange little cough/gag and it struck me... HE WAS THROWING UP!!! So I sat in bed until the sounds stopped. When I went in to see the damage he was sitting in a puddle of puke. I started heaving and ran to find my peppermint oil. 

Side note: I in no way shape or form handle puke well! Not even my own! This is something that Colin always helps with!

So... Back to the bedroom I go. I managed to get Colton undressed and in the tub and his bed cleaned and new sheets put on. I was up with him till four AM by the time he went back to sleep he had thrown up 7 times!! The next morning he appeared to be doing better but ended up throwing up twice more. I've never seen him so sick he couldn't even hold his little head up. I do hope that he does not get the flu again.

Onto the Identity theft... Friday night I got online to pay a few bills and to my disbelief our account was drained of everything thing but 20 dollars! How in the world do people get this information??? I would make a horrible thief because I just don't think that way. So started the phone calls and bank visits. Of course this was going into the weekend so action was limited until Monday... 

Monday ahh Monday... Brooke woke up complaining that her tummy hurt but I didn't think to much of it since she still has problems going number two I thought that was her issue. We got ready and I took her to pre-school. When I went to pick her up she was still saying her tummy hurt, we got about half way home and she says, "MOMMY!! I HAVE TO SPIT!" This is what she says when she has to throw up... So I told her to hold back till I could get pulled off to the side of the road I was about 10 seconds to late the moment I opened the door here it came! I don't mean a little it was like turning on a hose with a sprayer!!! Everywhere all over her clothes on the seat, under the seat and it STUNK! I had to keep the windows down and drive super fast home praying that she wouldn't throw up again... or me!

As we are driving Brooke says in a very matter of fact and adult way, "Mom, this is disgusting!" I couldn't help but chuckle and tell her yes it was very nasty! So we made it home and I got her undressed and in the tub and Colton down for a nap... I still had to clean the car....

It took me 2 1/2 hours to clean the car I had to leave and come back because the smell was atrocious! So glad that my mom in law had febreeze and odor cleaner! Brooke only threw up the one time and it had to be in the car... 

Thank goodness for my sis in law she brought us soup pedialite and chocolate for me :) Thank you Kristen for helping us out!  

Both kids are doing much better by the way and I didn't catch it not sure how that happened because I was knee deep in puke!!! 

So now its Tuesday and I have to get back to the Identity theft biz new accounts, changing over payments, and trying to get Colin his paperwork so he can be put on the account. Its now been a week and I think we finally have most of the bugs worked out and are ready to change everything over to the new account. This has been a very trying 10 or so days. I really hope that things will smooth out from here on. I don't know how much more I can handle??!! 

Now you know where I have been and whats been going on I do hope my next post is more enjoyable! 

xoxo,

Rachel  

Damaged goods

I don't really know how to describe my day thus far. I have come to the conclusion that I am damaged goods. One might ask why I would say such a thing but the fact of the matter is this I was abused in multiple ways as a child. I'm not in any way turning this into an excuse to feel the way I do at this point in time but the truth is I was abused and that doesn't go away. I'm not here to write a sob story or to gain pity from anyone that reads this. I just need to get it out of my head. I am not the only person that has ever been abused and will not be the last. 

The memory of this has affected me today as it sometimes does and I deal the best way I know how and that is to cry until the tears will fall no more. There are many people who do not know of this terrible past and a few who know small pieces. I need to get my feelings out today so that I can move on and focus on something better. It hurts every time I breath and I just want my heart to stop hurting. This pain is like a cycle only comes around every so often but when its here its like all of those terrible things happened yesterday. My self worth is nothing, I'm pretty good at putting on a show as I have had to for many years. I never got justice for what happened to me and I think that is some of the reason why I can't move past it. 

I consider myself blessed or lucky, I'm not sure, to be as functioning as I am. I see and hear of so many people that become addicts or abusers themselves and I thank the lord that I am not this way. Don't get me wrong I have my own battles that I deal with on a daily basis. I think I feel a little better now sometimes you just have to get it all out and go from there. 

I consider myself damaged goods but as long as I take it a day at a time I'll make it through

Sometimes your just stuck

Its been a few days since my last post so here is a recap of the past few days.

Wednesday:  I kept myself busy cleaning and organizing the entire garage. I can now park my Envoy in there so I'm safe from the snow and cold this winter! Go me! 

Thursday:  I had to much time to think today. I am sore from cleaning the garage out and want to just sit and relax. This resulted in an anxiety attack. I'm talking heart pounding room pacing anxiety. It has been along time since I have had one of these. Thinking about it today I know I just had to much down time. I have to figure out a way to enjoy this down time and not have a freak out. I know with time and trial and error I will figure out what works for me. 

Friday:   I had my mom and brother and sister over for the weekend. it was a super weekend with little argument and movies and popcorn. We watched The Prince of Persia and The Bounty Hunter both were excellent! I broke down and made homemade popcorn. This has always been Colin's job and I felt strange making it. I'm proud of myself though I didn't even burn it and everyone wanted seconds! Just so you know Colin your duty as popcorn maker will resume the moment you return home as well as waffle making and my morning ovaltine its just not the same when I do it! 

Saturday:   Today was spent gettin crafty! I made Colin a notebook so that he has a special place to write letters to home or just to write down his thoughts as I do here.

<---  Oh yeah I pimped it out Army style! :) 

I want to share this special memory that brings warmth to my heart and a smile to my face. Last year when Colin and I lived in Pocatello he attended ISU. Every day he had to drive back and for back and forth.

                                                            One day he brought me this little flower. --->

Saturday while I was driving to get my sister I saw these flowers all along the side of the freeway and I instantly thought of you. My heart filled with love and I smiled remembering how you brought me this little flower.

A new day

I feel like there is a giant hole in my heart and with every breath I take I have to fight back tears. I know that this lost and painful feeling will pass with a little time. I went to bed early last night hoping that I would get some rest. Most of the night was spent tossing and turning. I did not have you here to put your arm around me. This is one thing that will take a while to get use to. 

Today I plan on getting some things done my number one is to get the garage cleaned up so I can park in there before the snow starts to fall. The other is to get all of your things put in a safe place so that moths and dust don't ruin them. I fear this will be the hardest part of my day.

Brooke went straight to her flat daddy this morning and gave him a kiss and talked to him. Then she took him to the living room so that he could watch Blues Clues with her before she left for Pre-school. This is so very precious and did in fact make me cry. She misses her daddy.

I will smile today knowing that even though you are away from me I am in your every thought and you love me and miss me as much as I do you.

xoxoxo, Rachel

I'll be seeing you

This will be the first of many posts to come. I am calling this blog Operation Acorn. This is my personal journey during this first deployment that I now face. Why Acorn you might ask? Its the nickname that my wonderful husband has given to me.

Today was one of the hardest days of my life. The last morning I had with him for a year and his final moments were rushed and I didn't even get a kiss goodbye... This is not at all how I expected it to be. I just wanted to hold onto him and never let go. The tears flooded my face and It took everything in me to not completely break down. We had a lot of family support today and I thank you all for being there for us on a day when we really needed you.

We got a flat daddy and little miss watched The Princess and The Frog with him today. It was so sweet she sat right next to him on the couch and kept smiling. I will post a pic later of this flat daddy. Its pure genius I tell ya! 

Over all I would say that I'm holding up pretty well. If I could shut my brain off that would be amazing! Little random crying sessions keep happening and I imagine that will be, for a while yet. I know that life will fall into a routine and this year will fly by. Stay busy, stay healthy and laugh often! Oh and watch The Vampire Diaries every Thursday night online that helps too!

Goodnight everyone and I'll report and post pictures soon

xoxoxo, Rachel