Damaged goods

I don't really know how to describe my day thus far. I have come to the conclusion that I am damaged goods. One might ask why I would say such a thing but the fact of the matter is this I was abused in multiple ways as a child. I'm not in any way turning this into an excuse to feel the way I do at this point in time but the truth is I was abused and that doesn't go away. I'm not here to write a sob story or to gain pity from anyone that reads this. I just need to get it out of my head. I am not the only person that has ever been abused and will not be the last. 

The memory of this has affected me today as it sometimes does and I deal the best way I know how and that is to cry until the tears will fall no more. There are many people who do not know of this terrible past and a few who know small pieces. I need to get my feelings out today so that I can move on and focus on something better. It hurts every time I breath and I just want my heart to stop hurting. This pain is like a cycle only comes around every so often but when its here its like all of those terrible things happened yesterday. My self worth is nothing, I'm pretty good at putting on a show as I have had to for many years. I never got justice for what happened to me and I think that is some of the reason why I can't move past it. 

I consider myself blessed or lucky, I'm not sure, to be as functioning as I am. I see and hear of so many people that become addicts or abusers themselves and I thank the lord that I am not this way. Don't get me wrong I have my own battles that I deal with on a daily basis. I think I feel a little better now sometimes you just have to get it all out and go from there. 

I consider myself damaged goods but as long as I take it a day at a time I'll make it through